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pondering blogging

Jul. 28th, 2011 | 02:06 am

I haven't touched my livejournal in ages. Not sure anyone does.

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This shit is *hella* ridiculous

Mar. 14th, 2011 | 11:07 pm

I left my car parked 3 blocks from my house today since I didn't need it. See, I was interviewing for another internship near Market St. and Powell, and nobody smart drives into that area. Market is a vortex for automobiles where you can never turn left and parking will cost you your left arm, a titty, and probably some gonads....and that's if you're lucky.

Car left in Oakland. In my neighborhood. Figured it was ok since I survive on street parking.

Came home. Yogaed the body. Relaxed. Ate some makeshift pilaf (leftover rice + bleu cheese + irish butter + almonds + cranberries). Decided to go move the car since it is a street sweeping week.

Dude. Where'

That's right. The little red shitbox of doom, my ruby vroom has been purloined in my absence.
And I would rather think that I parked it somewhere stupid. Called the impound lot: they have assured my little OCD ass three times it's not there.

Now I'm sitting at my desk looking at a police statement with an insurance claim on it and I'm still in incredulity: who would *want* to steal my car. I'd have considered myself blessed by angels if it didn't implode in the next year and told my mother as much two days ago.

But now it's gone.
Moment of silence?

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Trying to get into a program in Oakland

Mar. 12th, 2011 | 04:14 pm

Hi Folks. I'm still here. Kind of. Been a bit busy but here's my rant.

I've been trying to get into a teaching internship program for 3 years. I've been turned down by Oakland Teaching Fellows twice now. They're looking for people who want to work in Oakland's neediest schools (where I have been working for the past 3 years as a substitute both long and short-term). I have experience. I have a background in curriculum design. And I cannot get my foot in the door.

I also have an interview with Teach For America on Monday, but they're a LOT choosier than Oakland Teaching Fellows, so I'm not sure they'll have me. It's kind of like getting kicked out of the Motel 6 in the Tenderloin and trying to check into the Westin St. Francis.

So I do what I normally do to cope: grab the journal, vent a bit, smoke a cigarette outside and come back inside to check my horoscope. It says:
check out my horoscope for todayCollapse )

So now, instead, I'm going to apply to traditional teacher credentialing programs. I will teach in Oakland with or without the help of an internship program whose selection criteria actually excludes the people who want to work here.

Jesus gafriggin' christ I'm frustrated with this! I thought the door would finally open and I could just walk through. Now I've got to sit through another all day interview (unpaid day off of work to do it, which I *cannot* afford) wearing the closest thing to a suit I can put together, getting outclassed by Harvard Grads who are really using "teaching" as something to look good on a medical or law school application, but because they're better at playing the stupid game, they get to be in my students lives and abandon them with impunity as soon as their internship is up.

That'll help end inequities in public schools. Really.
< / RANT >

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Dear Universe...

Feb. 8th, 2011 | 05:00 pm

Why is it that it started just sprinkling rain and now it's pouring outside? Some part of my synapses is flooded with way too much stimulus and I'm only one small munkie, after all.

Thank you for sending me my new writer buddy. He scares me half to death and I'm fairly certain he's completely insane...but he inspires the hell out of me. Armed with incredulity, he convinced me to unsheath a pen again and it has been a tool sorely lacking in this life.

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lately I've been feeling...

Sep. 25th, 2010 | 12:08 am

talked to an old friend...someone I knew before I lived in Mpls...before I got married...someone that once I was pretty convinced I was in love with...

it dragged up this summer and how hurt I still am about it.

I hate it when people don't check in.
Hate it when they act like nothing happened.
Like "i love you" means the same as brushing your teeth in the morning before you go to work.

Cowardice plain and simple.
And it hurts.

I am so sick of being used.

I deserve someone who *really* loves me. who isn't just saying it because they need to say it to somebody, and that somebody doesn't need to matter. I deserve better.

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and then there's the good moments

Jun. 14th, 2010 | 06:03 pm

Today I said goodbye to the kids who aren't allowed to walk in graduation. I also got a note from a student that said that she really appreciated how much I helped her to raise her math skills.

When it counts, it's good.

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(no subject)

Jun. 11th, 2010 | 06:17 pm

today a student kicked my door so hard, with me standing on the other side, that it threw my body out of alignment. I'm having back spasms from my neck down to my ass.

Thing is this: that student should have been inside of another teacher's classroom. I had just talked to my team this morning about holding children accountable for being where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there.

No one followed through.
Now I feel hurt physically and all on my own because I'm so fucking pissed at my coworker that I know I shouldn't talk to her.

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remember the stupid ticket?

Jun. 3rd, 2010 | 07:16 pm

Stupid ticket for being stupid enough to throw a lit cigarette out a car window on the Bay Bridge??? That one?

Just got the citation: I *have* to appear in court or I'll be fined, and the court date happens to be the last fucking day of the fucking school year. I'm going to call tomorrow to try to get it changed but I seriously doubt they'll let me. bastards.

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getting to be better at my job

Jun. 3rd, 2010 | 05:55 pm

The 6th grade had a sub today who screamed at them...he was *So* bad that he sent out some of the best behaved students in tears.

I was reminded of how much I've grown since December 2007...all of the things I've learned to do; the tricks that make it easier, the support mechanisms...and how much room I still have to grow.

One more day and then it's the weekend,

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hella weird

May. 31st, 2010 | 03:59 pm

So I was watching Buffy today in my house: season 6 specifically and I saw a face and voice I recognized. Sure enough, I went to high school withthis guy

I feel like a loser now.

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